God's Gift: Saying "No", Saying "Yes", And Choosing When

     For a while now, I have been cooking up the right approach on the subject of agency. 

     At first, I thought of a series of examples, but I got off subject. Then I thought of just posting a nice and easy: "Just say No". But that didn't work either because there are some things we need to say yes to. 

     I finally gave up plotting something special and decided to write from the heart. While I do so, keep in mind my insight does not dismiss the importance of using common sense but rather encourages you to treasure and give value to one of your biggest assets: freedom of choice.

     It is not a new subject, this topic of agency, but as I have observed what we use it for, I have realized there are some important points to highlight.

     To start off, the freedom to choose is a God-given gift. We were not born as something to be mastered by people or situations. We were meant to become masters through our choices, to create favorable situations as well as choose those people we want to be surrounded by. 

     When we were just babies, even before we could speak, we turned our heads to indicate "no more". If we wanted to sit or walk, we went for it. No prompting needed. As we adapt to our surroundings, we learn to follow the will of our parents and of our friends over our own. Our nos become grunting yeses. 

    This would be fine if you tend to be selfish and think that all your ideas must be better than those of others. Yet, what about those who constantly sacrifice their freedom to satisfy the selfish desires of others?

     Here are more questions: At what point do we completely lose the ability to "go for it" without waiting for a prompting, or to turn our heads and say "no more"? What price do we pay when we give up the freedom to choose? And what reward are we seeking in exchange for it?

     I find it so mind-boggling that the very gift God gave us is so often found missing, when it should be the tool we use most. When we say Yes to something, we are saying No to something else. What are we truly choosing? I'll give you an example.  
      
     Let's say I have been asked to volunteer for my child's school field trip. I already said yes to hosting a get-together among friends that afternoon. Nevertheless, I say yes to the school field trip, knowing in my heart that I will be stressed that afternoon because I already have a commitment. 

     Why would I do that? Why give away the gift of choosing to say No?

     
     If you're feeling overwhelmed at this point with impotence, guilt, or if your mind is racing with reasons why you need to say yes, I don't blame you. It's these justifications I know too well which I now speak against.

     You see, since God is the giver of this gift, and the purpose of it is to practice choosing for ourselves, we cannot let other things or people choose for us. 

     We must allow God to lead us in our decisions. He will let us know in our hearts, without justifications, what is the road we need to take. And at that point, we choose whether to listen to our hearts or ignore the guidance.

     
      Things and people will freely use our resources (time, energy, and money) unless we say No. And it's not about being mean or nice. It's about taking back our gift, which unbeknownst to most of us, is given away with a simple "Yes."
     
     Saying yes to things that are important is good, but too much of a good thing is not so good. 

     Yes to taking care of yourself is good, but too much is selfishness. 

     Yes to church obligations is good, but too much can burn you out. 

     Yes to being social is a healthy part of being human, but too much shows a void that's not being filled. 

     Take a look again at all your yeses. Could they be robbing you of the freedom to choose? Paradoxical concept, isn't it?
     
     Take back your yeses. Don't give them away. Take a moment to see if the choice is necessary, worthwhile, conducive to your goals, and most importantly, if it feels right. Because only God can give you the peace in your heart which acts like a "lamp unto your feet".


     There are many ways to say No:

• "Wait."
• "Stop."
• "Hold on."
• "I'd love to, but I already committed to..." 
• "I'd feel more comfortable if..."

     Try saying:

• "Let me get back to you next week." (This gives you time to think and feel.)
• "Let me call you back."
• "Let me think about it."
• "That's sounds (fun, great, interesting), but I don't feel like it this weekend. Maybe next time." 

     Suggest alternative activities/people that are a better fit:

• "I can't commit, but I know someone who would love to help"
• "I'm not really a fan of ____________. How about __________ instead?"

     The more you practice this great gift of agency, the more your energy and resources will be focused and strong instead of weak and spread out. You will be able to tune in to God's guidance and feel comfortable using this gift. You will learn with more clarity the purpose of this gift and how to use it in your life.    
     
     Remember, we have been given this gift since before our birth. The main purpose of it is to practice being masters and not to become subject to things or people. 

     So, practice choosing. Choose what to do, when to do it, why to do it, how to do it. If your heart is set on aligning your will to God's, then you'll find that the very gift of choice, used as it was meant, is one of the most powerful gifts given to mankind. Best of luck!