Homemakers: Creating a Place of Order, Refuge, And Safety

I have often struggled to follow a model of the home I always wanted. Magazines and TV didn't show me. School didn't either. And Mom was working. 

So how was I supposed to organize my home as a place of unity, harmony, moral support, kindness, and all those things that I feel lacked in my youth? No one handed me a manual. No one took me by the hand... I turned to wisdom from good books, and I prayed. A lot.

The other day, I heard about a study done on marriage. It said that despite all the odds, people still want to get married. It also said that having a successful marriage is not an end in itself but rather a process that is adjusted through the life of the marriage. 

I agree. Not only have I found great satisfaction in a loving home and marriage, but that satisfaction has come after a lot of hard work. It has taken hours of talking, frustration, learning, making mistakes, readjusting, being patient, and letting go of bad habits and false ideas that I acquired from my youth. And we're not done. We keep adjusting according to what life brings along.

Because I come from a broken home and know the contrast of a wholesome one, it bothers me that the media takes these most important and sacred of human relations-- the marriage and family-- and undermines their great worth. It markets happiness in marriage and family as an illusion by exploiting its physical satisfaction, its social status, the wedding ceremony, or even creating shows that bring down the morale in the family unit.

Where are the success stories? Who promotes fidelity, endurance, and the skills of giving and taking? We all know about the most satisfying of all relationships, but who teaches us how to achieve that long lasting satisfaction? It's as if we all wanted to fill this untouchable void, but we look around and can't find anything that shows us how. All we hear is what doesn't work!

Let me share something I believe does work, something I believe was inspired by God, especially for us. It’s a guide, sort of like a manual, but briefly touches on things that will help the marriage and family succeed, like "faith, prayer, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (see "The Family, A Proclamation to the World", paragraph 7).

I also want to share with you one of the most inspiring speeches on defending marriage, home and family that I have ever heard. It was given by Bonnie L. Oscarson this past Saturday. I highly recommend it! View it here. 

In a world where many share their own philosophies so loudly (and some of these are pure selfishness), I want to elevate my voice in defending the sacredness of the home and the family. It's hard work! The hardest part is... no one really applauds homemakers, and by homemaker I mean any person in the family who works toward making that house a home. And yet, a homemaker is one of those people that fills that void I mentioned earlier. A homemaker is a sort of silent healer. As Bonnie L. Oscarson said in her speech, "What a difference it would make in the world if all people would see themselves as makers of righteous homes!"

I invite you to join me as I rededicate myself to making my house a place of righteousness, of order... a refuge. This time, I will teach my husband and children that they can also be homemakers. And to all of you who are already homemakers: Keep going. It's worth it. You are A W E S O M E! 

How Do You Manage Emotions?

Today I was prompted by a question: How do you control emotions? Here is what I replied.

 

I learned a long time ago that our emotions come from our ideas of how things should be; in other words, our expectations. The more flexible we are with our expectations, the easier it is to manage anger, anxiety, and frustration. I’m not saying we should not hold others accountable for breaking agreements, but if we are not tightly wrapped in an idea of how things should be, it's easier to let it go and move on. Once we are past the shock of it not going how we expected, it is easier to approach that disappointment with a manageable attitude.

 

 

Another thing I have learned is to be aware of your body's cues that emotions will soon get out of control: Do you get a headache? Do your hands start sweating or do you tighten your jaw? Does any part of your body (usually your stomach or neck) feel tight? What about your heartbeat? Take a break as soon as you notice these cues, and follow some classic techniques to regain control of your emotions. Try imagining a peaceful scene or a happy ending. Breathe slower and deeper. Or try saying or thinking positive phrases like: "I am able...", "I can...", and "It is possible..." Now, I pass the question on to you:

How do you manage your emotions?

(You can post your answer below.)

Start Imperfectly

 
I just got the best advice from a friend: "Just do it!"

For those out there who think things over and over to check if they are just right before you start... Stop! Things will never be perfect. There will always be that one small thing that holds you back. The "what if...?" the "but I don't have..." or the fear of failure or criticism. Forget it! Stop giving it space in your heart and mind. It will not help you get started. Ever.

Most great ideas we see today were full of critics at the start, but thank God that didn't stop them from existing!

Just because an idea isn't perfect doesn't mean it has to die.


Do you think big companies started big? Do you think they had all the answers right up front? Do you think they started just as you see them today? Of course not! They developed. They grew. They started small. They had setbacks along the way that they had to overcome. It wasn't a smooth ride, but they evolved with time. And you can do the same.

Those fears that stop you will still be there when you start, but guess what? As you develop, as you evolve, they will go away. You will develop and grow along with your bright idea. No, it won't be all you envision at first. How can it be? It hasn't reached its peak. When things begin, they need work— constant work— attention, and care. (Think of a baby.) But as you put your heart into it and learn from those with more experience, you change, you tweak, you evolve.

So, just start. You've probably gathered as much information, courage and support as you'll ever gather until you start. Once you start, you will gather more information, your small successes will add to your courage, and your determination will gain supporters. Don't wait for someone else to do it. No one will do it for you.

Remember, not all the growth or progress will come at first, and you don't have to go fast. You just have to be consistent and not give up. It's your creation, so you have all the freedom to adjust things here and there, to morph it... to grow along with it. 

May this day be the day you give yourself permission to start imperfectly, to keep trying to reach that dream, to have faith that you have greatness in you, and that sharing it will help fill a void for someone somewhere.